I am here to tell you, it *does* get better. I am living testimony. I spent many years feeling suicidal. I hated my body. I hated myself. And finally when I surrendered to it all, my life totally changed. I had to stop fighting what was de-pressed deep within me. All of the shitty emotions that dragged me down – literally and metaphorically.
I had to surrender my pride and accept that I couldn’t do it alone. On a physical level, I was homeless, and I had to completely depend on someone else for a roof over my head, medical expenses, and food. On an emotional, spiritual, and energetic level… I had to completely surrender my ego and my idea of what life should look like to the God of my understanding. I had to learn to give myself every single thing that I wanted and hoped and desired to come from the outside… and it started with love. I had to love myself. But I didn’t even know what that meant!
I spent most of my life searching to figure out what the hell it means to “love myself”. I had no reference point in my consciousness for it! When I asked other people, they told me to sit in a warm bath with candles. I just thought that was so pointless! Sure, I could take a warm bath with candles, but it didn’t make me FEEL any better inside.
God finally unlocked the door for me… after years and years of searching. Although I have unhappy moments, I am no longer unhappy or suicidal. Life feels less challenging (even though it’s probably not any less challenging than it’s ever been). My entire life… all because I was able to shift my perception and release all the baggage I had been carrying around for years and years (make not mistake, this is an on-going process).
I’m not saying this to gloat. I’m sharing in hopes that it can at least inspire you to the possibility that someday, you too, will not be feeling this way anymore. If someone would have told me that, on the last day I was seconds away from taking my own life, I don’t know that I would have believed it. But I promise you, if you start talking to IT.. that Source of Wisdom that lives inside of you… IT will start to answer you back.
Ask IT just for the next step. Ask IT what is is that you need to see or learn or do or know… so that you can get out of this funk and get on with the business of living. The answer may come in a symbolic dream, or in a mysterious way, or as a message through another person or a conversation that you overhear… but it WILL come. You can do EFT and ABC’s till the sun stops shining.. but in my experience, the quickest way to happiness is to re-connect with IT. IT has every answer you could ever need. IT can show you the path to health and healing. IT lives within you… and you live within IT.. and IT has every answer you have ever searched for.
You’ve Gotta Choose
And if that’s really what you want, then you’ve gotta CHOOSE life and happiness. Suicide can’t even be an option anymore. You’ve got to find something that, for you, is worth living for… and it’s gotta be more than an obligation you have holding you here. I know for me, I didn’t really want to die. I just wanted to be happy… and I didn’t know to get happy… I was so miserable and depressed.. with no real path to happiness.. that the only option I could identify with, was to take my own life as an escape from the internal hell I had spent the bulk of my life running from.
“Nobody taught me how to understand myself energetically, emotionally, spiritually… our modern ways are lost to the ancient teachings that provide this Life Foundation that so many of us so desperately are starving for.”
So what if? What if your purpose was simply to be happy.. and by being happy, you know that you are in alignment with your Spirit and your Soul’s calling? That’s a game changer! Because.. by knowing this, you can come to the know that you don’t need to compare your Soul’s Calling or Life Purpose to anybody else in the world! All you have to do is find out what makes YOU happy, regardless of what anybody else thinks!
And happiness looks like something different to every person, doesn’t it? For one it could be traveling the world doing workshops. For another maybe it’s being the best mom One could possibly be. For another; lucky in love. For another, surrounded by a church group. For another, coaching others back to life; for another, happiness could totally be driving a trash truck and being a great provider for the family. The thin is? Nobody knows what brings you happiness and joy… except you.
So.. without comparing to others, what is YOUR definition of happiness? And what’s one step you can take to allow
that happiness to emerge in your life? Maybe it’s just walking outside each morning and allowing yourself to feel the sun shine on your face for 3 solid minutes.. it doesn’t have to be anything ‘big’! C’mon, super-star! You’ve GOT this!
May God bless you to awaken to the divinity that lives within you. And so may it be.
To a Life of Health and Bliss,