Dear Future Husband,
I’m waiting for you to catch up to me in this dimension. Until then, I will continue to allow Life to open and unfold me into the woman you will recognize. In the meantime, I wrote this guide for you:
The man who takes the time and initiative to get to know and understand all of me; the man who wants to give instead of just take from me; the man who takes the time to interact with and truly know me to the core of my being, is the man who will win my heart.
I don’t care what he looks like on the outside. I care about whether he’s dipped his toes into the deep-end of his own sorrow and has come out stronger and wiser on the other side. I care about whether he can sit in the silence and be comfortable there… and truly enjoy the company he keeps in the quiet moments. I care about how intimate he’s been with his own heart, and if he’s strong enough and capable enough to open it to me, again and again.
I don’t care what kind of car he drives. I care about what drives him from the inside and whether or not he’s in touch with That. I care about whether or not he can allow himself the freedoms of being in a child-like state and stir up laughter between us in the most unexpected moments. I care about whether or not he is capable of growing every day, and if he can laugh at my absurdity when I rip off my shirt or grab my crotch for shock-effect to divert an argument.
I don’t care if he will buy me great things. I care that he will buy himself the time to take care of his health. I care if he can accept my love at the deepest roots of his being, and own his Greatness, and share That with me. I care that he can encompass me with the same and stay checked-in and present to us, to now, to the needs of our union.
I don’t care if he’s rich. I care if he can afford me the emotional security I need in order to thrive in this life and be the best version of me that I came here to be. I care that he takes the time to understand the context from which I operate when I don’t make sense, and is willing to stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. I care whether or not he will take the time to know my soul and show me love through the moments when I feel lost to the heartbreak that seemingly consumes me.
I don’t care about how much spiritual philosophy lifts from his tongue. I care about whether or not he’s aware of the Spirit that moves through him, by experience. I care if he’s grown into love, compassion, and discernment, and if he has the wisdom to apply it all to himself first; before he dishes it out to the world in an attempt to fill a void inside, or keep to a spiritual teaching born into him through his environment.
I don’t care what position he fills at work. I care about whether or not I cross his mind while we’re apart, and if he has the courage and audacity to show it. I care about whether or not he can acknowledge my existence on a busy day and respect me, even when I’m not around. I care about whether or not we both feel connected as the day goes on, and if I can bring him Home in the silent whispers of our private moments, and be the sole root of his pleasure. I care if he is courageous enough to look me in the eyes and call out my name when I make him feel like a man… and if he’s gentle and loving enough to provide me the safe space to experience the same kind of ecstasy.
I don’t care if he brings me flowers. I care if he brings me Home with the touch of a hand… and whether or not he can see the pain on my face; and is willing to stop his day to make it all better. Not because I won’t survive without that, but because… he took the time to know me… and he would rather wrap me in his love than to bear witness to my endurance of one more heartache in this lifetime (and he knows me so well that it will eventually only take seconds anyway).
I don’t care how tall he is. I care whether or not he can stand tall and measure up to his own standards of what it means to be a man. I care whether or not he can encourage me to stand tall on the days I’m not feeling my best, and if he can sense that on his own. I care whether or not he is patient enough to build a strong foundation for a life together, and do what ever it takes to never let the bough break.
I don’t care if he buys me a big diamond. I care whether or not he can truly grasp the gravity of what it means to be my hero.. and whether or not he’s man enough to suit up. I care whether or not he can welcome the fact that he is the only one in the entire world that I am willing to open myself to completely, and because of that, he is the only man on the face of the Earth that I can turn to for comfort; for safety; for solace. In that position, he holds the responsibility my dad would endow him with, were he here and, with that, my utmost respect. Once we cross that bridge, no other man can – or will – ever turn my head.
I don’t care what color his eyes are. I care if I can look into them and feel his walls crumble and his spirit radiate through me. I care whether or not he can see the beauty in me, even when I’m not pretty every day; that he can look into my eyes in a moment of doubt and see the Truth of me even when life is pointing to something different.
I don’t care how strong he is. I care about whether or not he can look me in the eyes, pierce my soul with his own, and cradle me in a love that I feel like I can’t live without. Not because I’m not strong enough to walk away, but because he treats me in such a way that I won’t ever want to.
Dear Future Husband, I can’t wait for the day you read this and reach out to me. Thank you for showing up. I love you.
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